贾舟子

导言：
本博主借助于AI，推出一系列中英对照的【说唱】（Rapping）和中式【脱口秀】帖子，旨在通过新颖有趣的方式，激发年轻一代华人对时政的关注与思考。每段【说唱】后都附有原文，方便对照阅读。
《纽约时报》等媒体提供了丰富的优质时政内容，既有时效性，又有深度。为了让更多年轻华人参与到政治讨论中，我们可以尝试多种方式，各显神通。如果你对这些内容产生共鸣，欢迎转发支持！

白宫里的“熊孩子秀场”

 各位观众，今天给大家讲个励志故事——“如何在世界权力中心，一抠成名”。

故事的主角不是马斯克，也不是川普，而是马斯克的小儿子X Æ A-12，简称小X。这孩子昨儿跟着老爹去了白宫，本来是去见总统，结果呢？一顿骚操作直接让全场变成了他的个人秀。

老爸谈财政，小X在白宫做“生物实验”

马斯克这次来白宫，主要是跟川普讨论削减联邦政府开支的事儿。川普夸他办事儿麻利，马斯克呢，谦虚了一下，承认自己削得太猛了，搞得美国财政差点“刹车失灵”。

就在这严肃场合，全场焦点突然被一个驼色大衣、脖子上挂着粗金链子的小家伙抢走了——小X站在川普旁边，专注地抠鼻涕，然后大大方方地把战利品粘在了白宫椭圆形办公室的桌子上！

朋友们，这可不是普通的桌子，这是美国总统办公的桌子！多少历史性文件在这儿签署，今天终于迎来了它最“接地气”的一刻。

川普现场表态：这孩子有未来

面对突如其来的“白宫生物实验”，全场记者一片寂静，所有人都在等川普的反应。

结果川总根本没在意，反而一脸赞赏地看着小X：“这孩子胆儿真大，长大能干大事！” 话里话外，感觉自己当年的风范总算有人继承了。

小X继续无视全场目光，淡定地站在椭圆形办公室，散发着“整个白宫都是我游乐场”的气质。

亲妈格莱姆斯炸了：这是一场“个人悲剧”

此时此刻，画风一转，远在社交媒体上的小X亲妈、马斯克前女友格莱姆斯已经气到变形了。

她直接在社交媒体发文，怒斥这一幕是“个人悲剧”，并且强调：她绝不认同小X在公共场合露面！

这就很尴尬了，马斯克带儿子见总统，算是给孩子镀金，结果亲妈不买账，直接来了一记社交媒体灵魂暴扣。

马斯克权力再升级：削减人手，狗狗币“上位”

就在大家还在研究小X的“抠鼻涕战术”时，川普顺手签了一个行政命令，进一步扩大了马斯克的权力。

从今天起，马斯克的政府效率部（DOGE）将直接影响美国联邦机构的人员编制：每离职四人，最多只能招募一人！而且所有招聘都得先经过DOGE团队负责人的批准。

听上去很复杂，其实翻译成人话就是：“美国公务员们，你们好自为之吧。”

至于“DOGE”这个名字……大家都懂的。马斯克这位“全球最强带货王”果然连狗狗币都不忘打广告。

透明度？

当然，外界也有担忧——马斯克手握如此大的权力，缺乏监督，是不是有点危险？

对此，马斯克自己倒是挺坦然，直接回应：“我是一张开放的书。”

没错，这本书确实是开放的，但具体内容是什么？估计得看马斯克心情才能翻到正确的页码。

总结：白宫政治大戏变成“熊孩子秀场”

这场原本属于川普和马斯克的“政治+商业”大戏，最终被小X一个鼻屎搅得天翻地覆。

马斯克学会了削减财政，川普签了个削减公务员的命令，小X成功在白宫留下了“DNA”，格莱姆斯在社交媒体上哭晕，DOGE币可能又要起飞了。

大家都收获满满——唯一受害的，大概是那张被小X献祭的白宫办公桌。

历史将会记住这一天——2025年2月11日，小X“鼻屎外交”正式登场！

（来源： 《自由财经》2025-02-12 11:28:43）

 Elon Musk Brings Son to the White House – But Little X Steals the Show (and Maybe the Desk's Cleanliness)

Ladies and gentlemen, gather around for today’s inspirational tale:
"How to Become a Headline by Picking Your Nose in the White House."

And no, the star of this story is not Elon Musk. It’s not even Trump.
It’s none other than Musk’s young son, X Æ A-12 – aka Little X.

Musk Talks Budgets, Little X Conducts "Biological Experiments"

So, Elon Musk swings by the White House to meet with Trump. The topic? Fixing America’s finances.
Trump’s all like, "Musk, you’re doing an incredible job with the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)."
And Musk, for once in his life, admits he might have cut spending a little too aggressively—a rare moment of self-reflection.

But just as the world’s richest man is talking dollars and deficits, his kid becomes the main event.

Draped in a camel-colored coat and a thick gold chain, Little X is standing right next to Trump…
…calmly digging for gold.
And then—boom! The little guy wipes his findings on the Resolute Desk.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this isn’t just any desk.
It’s the same desk where JFK managed the Cuban Missile Crisis,
where Obama took out bin Laden,
and where, just now, Little X made his own historic contribution.

Trump’s Verdict: “This Kid’s Going Places”

The room goes dead silent—everyone waiting to see how Trump reacts.

Does he scold the kid?
Does he call in the Secret Service?
Nope.

Trump nods approvingly and says,
"This kid’s got guts. He’s gonna do big things."

The crowd laughs nervously. Little X? He just stands there, owning the room like he’s the real president now.

 Grimes is NOT Happy: “This is a Personal Tragedy”

Meanwhile, across the social media universe, someone is absolutely fuming—and that’s Little X’s mom, Grimes.

She blasts out a post calling this “a personal tragedy” and says she never agreed to have her kid make public appearances.

Honestly, compared to the sci-fi names she’s given her children, this might be the most normal thing she’s ever said.

Musk’s Power Grab – and DOGE is Officially a Thing

While the media is still trying to recover from the “White House Booger Incident”, Trump casually signs an executive order, giving Musk even more power.

From now on, Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) gets to control federal hiring.
For every four government employees that leave, agencies can hire only one.
Oh, and every single new hire has to be approved by Musk’s DOGE team.

Ladies and gentlemen, Musk didn’t just come to fix the budget—
he came to turn the U.S. government into a startup.

And yes, he named his agency DOGE.
Because if there’s one thing Elon Musk can’t resist, it’s shilling Dogecoin in every possible scenario.

"I'm an Open Book," Says Musk – But Is He?

Some critics say Musk is accumulating too much power without oversight.
His response?

"I’m an open book."

Sure, Elon, but that book is written in Martian code, only available on X, and probably comes with a $99/month subscription fee.

 Final Verdict: The White House Just Became a Daycare

At the end of the day, this meeting wasn’t really about government spending.
It wasn’t about fiscal responsibility.

It was about a kid stealing the show, a billionaire getting more power, and a former pop star absolutely losing it online.

America’s future is in good hands…
…as long as those hands aren’t wiping anything else on historic furniture.

Mark your calendars, folks:
February 11, 2025 – the day "Booger Diplomacy" made its White House debut.